I stepped into the Aroma coffee shop it's 9:30 PM. I have forced myself out of bed. What was I doing in bed? Well at about 7:30 PM I was tired and the with the help of a little more 'Percoset'AKA 'Oxycodone' in my system (legal medicine for kidney stone) and my brain was fogging and I ended up horizontal, then an hour later in disgust and dissatisfaction I decide to get up and out. Get some coffee. Get to work. And am blue, yes plenty blue, and as someone recently noted it's not just that the inner dialogue that goes on inside this brain is a one sided blah blah' Why can't you figure it out?' It seems to me that it's a monologue and just that voice of frustration, well it gets the upper hand, particularly when it's night time and you are alone. So you have to move on get out of yourself a bit.
So when I walked into Cafe Aroma there is the lovely ____ ___ I'll leave her name out of this a woman with grey hair, who I have known for years and it's sad to see her homeless. Which is an assumption on my part. Sometimes I am a little defensive with all the homeless in California. I don't have much money and am not one to invite someone to my small studio apartment very easily it has happened once in two years and I guess I survived that OK but don't expect much from me.
So she greets me and maybe she reads my mind instantly and knows what my story is about and she says to me. 'You need to go and get a good meditation on what you are missing.' That's a guess.. I had to get her to repeat it a few times trying to understand her. Well i thanked her and new that even if she was only wildly guessing and just threw something at me to catch me off guard.. so i wouldn't make any inquiries about her lifestyle - because I know she doesn't like to acknowledge her own difficult situation. I thank her and ponder as I stand there thinking about Coffee at 10PM and what am I missing? I know that like the youthful kid kid I am ; ) ... I can do that. I can fire up some clear high powered meditation and reconnect my heart to AllLife again. Anyways a part of me believes that I can and I decide to get a Carrot Juice and a Chocolate Cake. I notice that Buddy Owen the legendary blues bulldog of Fairfax is playing next door at the Broken Drum.
I stop to check in with Buddy Owen and even fantasize about him inviting me up to play a tune. Elvis Johnson was their tonight and the bass man whose name I am fretting but the band was packing up. They want us out early he said, not much of a crowd,
t make matters worse Buddy pinched his finger in a mic stand. Just not a good night. So I come back up to write and I can not penetrate one molecule of HTML in my LIFESIGNSPHOTO website. I ponder all the attempts at figuring out how I am going to reconnect with my community as far as making a living. Remembering the brief conversation last night in the alley at the 4th Street Tavern where Honey Dust was playing and I had smoked some weed and had a beer, despite the continual Oxycodone intake, and my brief sharing with a kindred spirit old guy but still young, talking about how hard it becomes to just start the next business. Something about hauling all one's past failures around with you. Well we both recognized in each other that we knew to much of what that backstage crap from the past ( some of it maybe just the voice of wisdom.) Just don't stick your neck out again because it's not fun for anyone when you can't follow through. Yet somehow I just had to say Lord have mercy we sure no how to make it impossible for ourselves with constant doubting. That don't work. Life only takes place in the present. Life never stopped when you fell off the horse the last time. We are only going to be up on that wave again and again in continual rising and riding let the falls and failures go. Don't drag them around, it's an illusion. if you've got debt still to be paid off do your best. We are alive, life is moving fast, generations like waves move forward and time is limited. You can't worry you can't fear you have to fire it up. This Life this one Life is still on nothing is over, don't worry about the figuring it out.
Don't worry about the 'success' there is only one way to respect the Truth of Life. That is to accept it. Life is a Ripple of Present
a nonstop eternal movement it is Simple as can be and yet seems to demand incredible courage though a Child can live in it day after day.
We remain poised at the turning point of a great civilization that needs to find it's place with nature. It's not impossible, cynicism pessimism maybe we can use that as a tool. If we were sure that there was absolutely no hope. Then we wouldn't worry
about failing after all It won't make any difference, and if we tried to fire up the next nutty idea or a simple one. Maybe the time is right to get some traction. I still envision a Red White and Blue solution for our Country. All the polarity of Wall building sort of makes me ill. I respect the 'conservative' position to lives issues. I respect the 'liberal' perspectives to lives issues. There are lots of ways we can find disagreement in this world some topics are hard to decide.
Like the development of LucasFilms Grady Ranch up in Lucas Valley. Could a compromise have been achieved? Will the development due to come in be far worse than George's plans. Will we be facing this again again across the US. How can this community be against this project when it means so many jobs? There is a mind set and there are those who want to pack cranky 'environmentalists' in a box and point fingers at you. You are a NIMBY you are a selfish misguided human how dare you rethink that protecting your neighborhood is more important than jobs. I don't know all the back story to the Lucas development. I will stand behind any neighborhood anywhere that feels the need to stand up and defend he integrity of their community against development projects'. Just like the misguided Keystone TarSands Pipeline project that set off the unions in this country. The bottom line for me is the thousands of farms and properties running from the canadian border to New Orleans. Where eminent domain would take effect because a foreign corporation ( it doesn't make any difference if it was a USA corporation or a non-profit or a Federal Government project, no citizen should be forced off his land no matter what the greater cause. ) This should be a bedrock right of all American citizens. I think of it as a Keystone to what will be the significance of the Second American Revolution as I/we dream it into manifesting before our eyes.
Great works and patience are needed. I urge humans to try to find work outside of the corporate realm take a chance. Small medium sized what the heck even big independent businesses, we need to keep our money flowing through that channel.
Allright, back to the blues..
GoodNight
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