I don't know maybe you and I are not ready for that much.
I wish to be an intelligent voice speaking for the alternate vision, what might be said to be the Peaceful Revolution
what some might have wanted to call a Green Revolution that many of us in our younger days believed possible.
Remember Charles Reich's Book 'The Greening of America'. It all seemed possible.
I get in my own way and maybe the world's when I take myself to seriously... which is most of the time.
So last night I made a mistake and drank the Blue Ocean. It got me nowhere but Now Here and maybe that was all in all OK?...
I had a miserable night's sleep and thought I could just hide all day.
The Vodka drink didn't work well with the Xanax for some reason. Mainly because of me being a sufferer from 'Tiny Tim Syndrome' absent Miss Vikki. Here's my mental state.. ..........
OK Let's put it this way. My mental state is Verb like in Nature as opposed to being a Noun. If I tell you it's this then...
Words ...it's a battle ... This month began my 4 or 5 month entrance into Xanax an anti depressant use that it seemed I needed because of my inability to sleep. I can't turn back the clock and make myself younger. My Heart has been weird, hurting for some time and I tore down my body over the past few years with insomnia as a way of Life. This whole entry into modern medical pharmacology instead of dealing with deeper emotional issues years ago is not to be recommended. I am trying to deal with everything and mainly make myself a responsible and capable human being who can shed whatever levels of shame or regret I may have for past or current failings. Is this too honest? Not really, but I am not going to continue to spill my guts to you and all the internet and Planet. Humans take care of yourselves. I know it seems a tough task for some of us.
I am trying to get down to eliminating Xanax completely from my life by October. I am going against the Doctors wishes in eliminating Prozac first from my life. I know that many people have found this a very helpful aid to Mental Health and dealing with life and there is no shame in doing what one has to do to stay afloat in this world. Maybe I will never get away from any of this stuff. I don't know. Is there a place left for a couple of hits of weed and a great IPA? I hope so sometimes I think I need to go even further in embracing a boring lifestyle. Rock and Roll and Music in general and this insane mess this planet has become will keep me from ever getting too bored. Meantime I will try to get over myself, out from myself, out from under and
be a Human who is willing to lend a hand or try to Muster up the courage to speak out about what i see going down like I have absolutely nothing to fear on this Planet. I'll try. Don't get your hopes up too high in my regards. Life isn't a spectator sport.
Cmon you Punk! I say to myself. (semi-affectionately)
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