I haven't begun to do what I can on this Earth. Yet I have been here some good while...
58 years plus almost another 1/2.
My heart are you weak or strong? Well... what do you think Guy? I ask myself.
The organ of Love. How does that work? Amazing isn't it. It works somehow right from that
beating 'Heart' of ourselves comes Love.
It's about 7 AM this Monday morning. I am in the midst of quite a bit of anxiety in my personal self... again. Last night that being Saturday night Sunday Morning I took my last anti-depression/sleeping pill Temazapan which was prescribed for me back about the first week of December from the Point Reyes Clinic. I intend to start my car about an hour from now and drive out there this MOnday Morning and get a fresh prescription filled. I would like some other medicine but I guess this stuff worked. I haven't slept yet and now I don't believe I can.
I am worried about my Heart. (Peace old buddy.... Good Boy!) I had nothing to put myself to sleep with despite my good cheer coming home at 3 AM with my good buddy fellow cab driver, who silver haired of my generation shared that he wanted a home with some Hippie Chicks to retire too. Maybe that was me who first offered up that notion anyways we both are dreaming fools as we laughed our goodnights.
This was the winter of my 'Breakdown' it was a psychological crisis that brought me to the ER
a couple of months ago. I still haven't opened up the bill from December, I have decided to try to write something out rather than go now to the ER and get another scary bill. I might open up the bill right now but am hoping working on breathing Peace into my heart so that I will still be here on this Planet, beautiful Planet, with you. Last week Monday I had some rather frightening episode of Fibrillation. It was pretty intense and I haven't been the same since. I think it might take a good while to get strong again. I want to get strong again. I don't wish to dwell on the negative this writing is a prayer for my heart so I will do my best as I have tried always, to bring Peace and Honesty to the narrative . I hoped after the New Year despite my previous visit to the Point Reyes Clinic to survive and thrive through a completely natural approach. I put the Paxil and Temazapan in the closet and with the help of some natural healers and God's manifestation of my path in front of me I tried to get my self on to firmer ground.
The 'Breakdown' the 'Beautiful Breakdown' as a friend told me that was what I would have
that back in October when I explained to a dear Musician friend of mine why I was canceling the music performances at the San Anselmo Coffee Shop. It has been beautiful all of Life It's funny how the Presence or real Possibility of Death.... yes Guy. Well it's humbling. God. I want to shout out loud. Lord I want to manifest your Power not be humbling mumbling petty fears.
Lord I WANT TO MANIFEST YOUR POWER. The caps were an accident that I decided to leave on. God bless you all for patience through the years with me. How do you manifest the Power of The Lord Guy? Die Gracefully or Live with Faith.
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